TRAVEL FOR TWO:What to Do With the Kids
By JeaNette Goates Smith
Few things can ruin a vacation faster than concern for the children you left at home. Will Michael make it to his piano recital on time? Will Susan remember to take her penicillin four times a day? What if someone gets hurt? Mom and Dad can relax and leave their worries at home if they know that someone responsible is caring for their children.
Childcare Options
For many years Grandma has been the favorite standby when Mom and Dad leave town. Today, with more and more families living away from grandparents, that option is not always a possibility. Even when Grandma lives nearby she is often involved in her own activities. When she does consent to babysit it can frequently lead to family quarrels.
“My mother had agreed to watch my three children while I flew to Connecticut to visit a college roommate,” says Claudia Tidwell. “The day before I left, Mother told me she’d changed her mind. She was tired of my gallivanting around the country and thought I should watch my own children.” Claudia and her mother have not spoken since that incident four months ago.
Grandmas generally like to spoil their grandchildren. When they have to discipline and restrain the children they become “mean” in their eyes and it destroys that special relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. “I don’t know how you ever lived with Grandma,” one child told her mother after Grandma spent a week babysitting. “If I were you I would have run away from home.”
Families separated by great distance learn to depend on friends for childcare. Often when parents travel, they will send the 10-year-old to stay with the Clarks next door, the seven-year-old to the Nelsons down the street and leave a five-year-old with the minister’s wife.
When your child has a friend with whom he plays well, this option can be enjoyable for both families. Be sure you return the favor, however. Friends who seem willing to babysit may resent you for vacations they would like to take themselves. Sometimes involving friends in a “business” relationship can have the same unfortunate consequences as involving relatives.
The ideal babysitter,” says Phyllis Theroux, columnist for Parents Magazine, “is the middle aged woman who would realphabetize my spice rack, make applesauce cake for my children and be scrupulous about staying in the park every afternoon.” But Phyllis recognizes that such a woman is a figment of her imagination. She suggests that to get and keep a good sitter, parents pay as much as they can to get somebody dependable to come in and run the household while they travel.
In-Home Sitters
There are a number of choices if you think creatively. A university coed between terms may enjoy staying at your home for a few days.
A newly-married couple may consider staying with real children a good experience before they have children of their own.
Doug and Debbie Cross hire a young couple with a small child to live at their home while they travel. “Our children have so much fun with a baby in the house that they can’t wait for us to leave,” Debbie said.
If your children are older, someone who works full time may agree to stay with them when not at work. A retired couple or someone who works flexible hours might work their schedule around your children for a few days.
Of course, the apple-pie-baking woman who babysits for living may put your mind at the greatest ease.
When you find someone to agree to watch your little darlings make sure you can trust that person. Ideally, you already know the sitter you have recruited and are comfortable that he or she can handle the job. If you plan to hire a stranger, screen the person very well.
Screen a Sitter
Ask the potential babysitter for as many referrals as they can provide. Contact those who have used the sitter before and interview them.
Before you hire the sitter, invite him or her over for an evening to watch the interaction with your children. Naturally, both the youngsters and the sitter will be shy at first but by the end of the evening you should see evidence that they will get along together - or won’t.
During the evening you can casually interview the sitter. You want to hire someone who is not only personable but intelligent enough to handle a crisis.
Peter Beck, an orthopedic surgeon from Tulsa, Oklahoma, once received a call informing him that a daughter had been hit by a car. “The couple staying with our children handled the situation well,” Dr. Beck says. “Sarah had been thrown in the air about six feet yet she jumped up immediately after she hit the ground and ran crying to Bret (the babysitter). He took her to the emergency room as a precaution and even though Sarah seemed fine, Bret called me with the number of the physician who examined her.”
What to Expect
After a vacation many parents return to such chaos that they work harder than if they’d never left. An in-home sitter can keep the household running so you don’t dread coming home to a big mess.
Make it clear to the sitter what you expect. A good in-home sitter will do almost everything Mom does: drive the carpool, take the kids to the orthodontist, iron school clothes, walk the dog, feed the goldfish, water the lawn,, and handle phone calls. Family life doesn’t need to be put on hold until Mom and Dad return. A babysitter can help children with their homework and encourage them to practice the piano.
The rules of the household regarding curfew, bedtime, chores, or television need not change either. “Children will feel less apprehensive when Mom and Dad leave if their routine and environment remain the same,” says child psychiatrist Dr. Goates. “When you’re away, try to keep each child’s schedule as similar as possible to their normal one.”
Special treats or outings may help compensate for your absence. Children who know they may go to the amusement park or the arcade when Mom and Dad leave will be less inclined to put up a fuss.
Leave money for order-out pizza, for gifts should your child be invited to a birthday party, repairs if the refrigerator fails and C.O.D. charges for the mailman.
As you budget for your vacation, budget for childcare as well. You will return well rested if you don’t worry about the children the entire time you’re away and you’ll stay rested when your home is kept in order.
JeaNette Smith’s articles on family and home management have appeared in such publications as Women’s World, Lady’s Circle and Business Properties.
